So Bruce Andriatch wrote a column in today’s (04/03/2012) Buffalo News, pitting running and golf in a Tale of the Tape (Thanks, Nick Bakay.) As you can imagine, I don’t agree that running wins out over golf. In fact, I tackle the same points he does, with a surprising result.

• Health benefits— Golfers can walk the course with a pull/push cart or motorized cart. The stress on the heart is not nearly what running puts, nor is the pounding on the ankles and knees. Advantage: Split

• Nutritional needs— Have you seen what golfers eat? Some eat well, but most feast on fatty meats, high-sugar bars and other poisons for the body. Advantage: split.

•Movie treatment— Did you know that the opening scene in “Chariots of Fire” takes place on the sands of St. Andrews, hard on the Old Course? If you look in the distance, the large, sandstone building is the Royal and Ancient, the home of golf.  What about the Steve Prefontaine movie, “Pre”? And golf has to live down “Caddyshack 2” and “Bagger Vance” (not nearly the movie that the book is a book.) Advantage: golf, but only because of “Happy Gilmore” and “Dead Solid Perfect.”

• Cheating while doing it with friends— I remember Rosie Ruiz as the only real cheater in running. Golf? Man, if you cheat your friends, you are a true punk. Advantage: running.

• Hydration— And roll tape: Middle-aged golfer, obviously inebriated, hitting on college-aged cart girl. Bad news, amigos! Advantage: split.

•Weather requirements— You clearly don’t follow my website, do you? We golfed in snow at Byrncliff this year. We golf in all types of weather. Having buddies along to share the misery and the knowledge that coffee awaits at the end is worth it. Advantage: split.

• Hazards— Where do you golf, Bruce? Snakes, wild animals, angry senior citizen golfers who don’t want to be hurried (I’ll be one soon, so I can write this), the list goes on. For runners, barking dogs to accompany the texting drivers whose cars drift onto the shoulder. Advantage: split.

• Other people— Golfing in solitude, in the early morning or the early evening, is bliss. Play 2-3 balls, try shots you’ve never attempted. Running alone is cool, too. Advantage: split.

• Longevity— Two words: Henry Sypniewski. Advantage: split.

• Cost— Not close to true, Bruce. If you buy clubs from two years’ back, you save a bundle. You can get balls at cost, too. Figure in the liniments and salves you need for running, along with the trendy fibers in the clothing you must have and we saw off. Advantage: split.

•What do you have to lose?— What, you don’t lose weight when you walk a golf course? Ask my wife why I was so sexy when I was younger! Lugging that bag in the sun did it for me. Advantage: split.

So by this measure, WE HAVE A DRAW!