I too hate cameras.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s probably what I\u2019d open with if Tiger Woods ever granted me a chance to interview for the position of his new caddy. I\u2019d tell him that I too hate being photographed. I shudder whenever I hear a camera shutter. I too offer a glare whenever I see a flash.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d just want Tiger to know if anyone ever fired off a photo during his backswing, I\u2019d be up for breaking the camera. I\u2019d toss it in the nearest water hazard. I\u2019d smash it with a four iron. I\u2019d toss it aside and let Adam Scott pick it up.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s be honest, anyone who caddies for Tiger Woods also doubles as security and crowd control. Tiger\u2019s game has waned, but millions still ache to see him swing seven irons. Adults are still willing to knock over young children in pursuit of a slightly better view of Tiger\u2019s par putts. People still aren\u2019t afraid to take an ill-advised photo of the greatest golfer we\u2019ve ever seen.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s right, I said it. Woods is the greatest golfer ever to live whether he surpasses 18 majors or not. Nobody\u2019s ever been more brilliant than Woods was during the early stretches of his career. \u00a0The man changed the sport in a way all his predecessors could not. They never Jack-proofed a golf course.\u00a0 And, it\u2019s that greatness that leaves me believing Woods still has a whole bushel of brilliance left in him.<\/p>\n
I just want to carry the bag while he reminds everyone else.<\/p>\n
Seriously, how am I not qualified? I am fit \u2013 ready to walk miles each day carrying Tiger\u2019s bag proudly over my right shoulder. I move fast, fix divots and don\u2019t get offended by the occasional expletive. I’ll also hit decline whenever Charles Barkley calls asking to be your swing coach.<\/p>\n
My golf game is downright dreadful, but don\u2019t opposites attract? You read greens, I read Benjamin Percy. You drive the ball 300+ yards and make boatloads of birdies, I simply don\u2019t. You\u2019ll never once hear my say, \u201cJesus, I could have done better than that Tiger.\u201d Because, I don\u2019t like to tell fibs.<\/p>\n
The kind of caddy Tiger needs is the kind that can keep himself out of Tiger\u2019s way.\u00a0 That\u2019s me, man. I\u2019m not a bright lights and attention guy. I\u2019ll know my role and keep my mouth shut. I\u2019ll carry your Nikes on any golf course on any continent at any time. I won\u2019t speak unless spoken to.<\/p>\n
Experience? I\u2019ve been carrying my own bag since the day I took up the game and I\u2019ve always thought I did a bang-up job. My bunker raking skills need some work, but I promise to clear that up. I promise to always bring your favorite snacks.<\/p>\n
All I\u2019m saying is think about it Tiger. It could be us walking up the fairways together for #15, #16, #17, #18, #19\u2026 and who knows how many more. You rocking the red shirt, black pants and \u201cI told you I\u2019d be back,\u201d grin. Me, carrying your bag and applying a third coat of sunscreen to my pale skin.<\/p>\n
It would make for a great picture\u2026not that we\u2019d ever let anybody take it.<\/p>\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I too hate cameras. That\u2019s probably what I\u2019d open with if Tiger Woods ever granted me a chance to interview for the position of his new caddy. I\u2019d tell him that I too hate being photographed. I shudder whenever I hear a camera shutter. I too offer a glare whenever I see a flash. I\u2019d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1911","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-mouth"],"yoast_head":"\n