I can\u2019t positively remember his name, although I am fairly certain that it was Fred or Frank.\u00a0 My certainty comes from the fact that after my one and only golf encounter with this guy, I attached an unflattering (although, I must admit, quite accurate) adjective to his name: Fat.\u00a0 So it was either Fat Fred or Fat Frank.\u00a0 Either one will do, I suppose, but, for some reason Fat Frank sound more right.\u00a0 So Fat Frank it is.<\/p>\n
It had to be at least 10-15 years ago and our usual foursome was scheduled for a weekday morning at Chestnut Hills Golf Course.\u00a0 It was raining as I pulled into the parking lot, but, the weather experts were predicting clearing skies by mid-morning.\u00a0 Bill soon showed up and then Roger.\u00a0 With Roger was an extremely large man named Frank.\u00a0 Roger informed us that Tommy (our usual fourth) couldn\u2019t make it so he had recruited a co-worker to join us.\u00a0 Now, please don\u2019t get me wrong.\u00a0 I have nothing against large people.\u00a0 I\u2019m merely trying to set the stage for what is to follow.<\/p>\n
Since it was still raining, we decided (on Frank\u2019s suggestion) to grab a bite to eat at the dinner up the road.\u00a0 Myself, Bill and Roger ordered standard breakfast fare.\u00a0 Frank ordered two whole steak, egg, cheese, onion and pepper subs.\u00a0 I\u2019ll never forget the image of the waitress delivering TWO gigantic subs to one person at 9:30 in the morning.<\/p>\n
The rain, as predicted, stopped and we were on the course by 10:30.\u00a0 If you looked at Frank, you may have very well thought that this dude is definitely not a golfer, but, I\u2019m sure we have all been around long enough to not judge someone\u2019s golfing ability by their looks.\u00a0 Well, Frank was definitely not a bad golfer.\u00a0 No, he was so far beyond a bad golfer that it almost defies belief.<\/p>\n
Frank was without a doubt the worse golfer I have ever seen on a course and to make matters worse he was annoyingly slow (even for a large, ponderous man), he completely lacked any sense of course etiquette and he seemed to lack even basic social skills.\u00a0 But, all this pales when compared to his worst trait.\u00a0 Frank had the worst case of rabbit-ears that I have ever been subjected to in my entire life.\u00a0<\/p>\n
During the round (amidst a never ending cavalcade of flubbed tee shots, shanked irons, skulled wedges and putts that defied human description), he complained about the birds flying overhead, the flag flapping too loudly on the green, the freight trains rumbling by\u00a0\u00a0 the perimeter of the course, carts on the next fairway and basically anything that one person can lay claim to as a golfing distraction.\u00a0 However, all of this was a mere warm-up for what occurred on the 15ht hole.\u00a0 We had all teed off and were waiting for Frank to hit his tee shot.\u00a0 After another, dribbled 25 yarder, he turned to us and said, in all sincerity, \u2018Do you guys have to breathe so effin\u2019 loud?\u2019.\u00a0 We finished the round in silence, settled up our bets and got in our cars and left.\u00a0 The only time Frank\u2019s name was ever mentioned was when Roger said to us the next time we played golf, \u2018Sorry \u2018bout that\u2019.\u00a0 No more was ever said about Frank and no more was needed to be said.<\/p>\n
To this day, I cannot remember a single shot that I took that day or any shot that Bill or Roger took, but, Fat Frank will live on in my mind, I suppose, until the day I die.<\/p>\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I can\u2019t positively remember his name, although I am fairly certain that it was Fred or Frank.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-92","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ricos-rants"],"yoast_head":"\n