In the fifth slap-off of he said, HE SAID, The Mouth and Mo’ Golf go at it over lessons and practice. Mo’ prefers to spend his hard-earned cash on golfing bling while The Mouth says, dude, get some help!MO’ GOLF

I’ve this wad of cash burning a hole in my jeans. You know, the acid-wash ones with the pre-torn knees (that I paid extra for.) I need to dump the dollars quickly, with golf season rolling in. Amos, my buddy, has made a regular habit of fleecing me each time we head out to Sheridan, Caz, Elma, wherever. It’s like the player knows each course better than I do!

What bugs me most is, I’m the guy each year with the boxes of the new tour balls, the latest color in driver head and shaft, the deepest pocket in the back of my irons, and the lightest carry bag. It sets me back a grand or two, but what else would I do with the money? Old Three-Eyes, the guy I learned the game from at Grover (and the guy who taught me how to lose money~never won a bet) always said it’s the equipment, not the golfer, that makes the difference. It’s so simple, but I keep on losing, just like Old Three-Eyes.

I looked in Amos’ bag last fall, when he was busy counting my dollars and cents, and I started laughing, laughing out loud. Brother carries forged irons from the mid-2000s, a pre-2010 Titleist driver and some putter they call a blade. Seriously? My screw-in spikes cost more than that ensemble…I should know, I still have the receipt from the layaway.

So I asked Amos, after I finished snorting, what he planned to do with the flow he’d won. He smiled, purchased me a pop or two, then explained that he had a lesson scheduled with a local teacher for Monday and that my donation should just about cover the cost of it plus one. A lesson? On what, the harmonica? Who would ever take a golf lesson? I mean, your swing is your swing and that’s it. Not gonna get better, not much worse.

So I made my decision. Heading off to the Galaxy or Rico’s for a new driver. I read that TM came out with a funky new line of sticks with a salacious branding. Just the place to spend the last of my dollar dollar bills. And there’s Amos, bag next to the chipping green, hitting a few balls on the range before practicing his short game AGAIN.

Dude is so lucky. Chipped up close on me five times today to win holes, chipped in on 18, even when he didn’t need it, to close the door and open my wallet.

Lessons? No way. Practice? For chumps. Rocketballz? For me!

THE MOUTH

Even if the difference in the compression of a golf ball has an impact on your swing or if you can launch shots from cavernous greenside bunkers and have them stop on a dime – you don’t know enough about the game of golf.

Sorry, it’s true. Nobody knows it all and you can never know enough. That’s why if you’ve got some extra cash to spend on golf this season, you should sign up for some lessons.

Everyone from the 25 handicapper to the scratch golf kid who struggles with putts between 15’ and 20’ could use the help of another set of eyes.

Despite our odd personalities and sometimes strange actions – golfers are human. We’re stubborn. We have egos. And, we tend to have trouble admitting we might need some help.

Here’s a simple promise…take three golf lessons in 2012 and I guarantee you learn more about your sport and come out a better player. There is just too much in this great game to always have it right. Your grip, grip pressure, takeaway, club positioning, shaft angle, alignment, follow through, balance, putting stroke, putting philosophy, chip shot, sand game, etc. – there’s just way to much to always be ready for every shot.

Even when we’re playing our best golf we have weaknesses in our game. Those who pony up some $20 spots this season can eliminate a few of those weaknesses and become better players.